Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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