My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
