We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
