we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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