I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
