I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
