don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
