Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
