WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
