Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
