There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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