I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
