worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
