No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
