Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize