to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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