So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
