Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
