You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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