Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
