hell yes lets make some ravioli
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
