Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
