Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
