apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
