i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
