I'm going to jail i love you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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