when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have fence marks all over my body
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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