You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
