There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
