So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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