mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
