he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
