awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
