my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
