I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
