I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
