I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
