I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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