I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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