I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
