Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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