I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
