Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
