Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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