We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
