the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
