I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
