Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
