All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
