I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
