I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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