I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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