Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
