he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
