She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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