I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
