IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
