I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
