you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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