Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Alive.
So much puke
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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