wakey wakey hands off snakey
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
