Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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