All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
