i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize