so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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