so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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